Monthly Archives: April, 2014

JEALOUSY: The first sign of an abusive partner

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JEALOUSY: The first sign of an abusive partner

My first intimate relationship was with a boy who later became my husband the father of my children and the last relationship I really ever had.  I need so much therapy now….if I only knew.
The Jealousy began right away.  I thought, this boy really loves me. He called me 6 to 8 times a day.  He was caught by my Wilder girlfriends driving past my house at off hours in the morning like 4 or 5 am. He would have my friend watch me and tell him who I talked to where I went who I was with.  I hated spending everyday arguing with him that I had not been spending all my time with another boy or at a boys house or I did not go eat with another boy that day…it became very hard to deal with.
I heard the boys in my town whispering about me behind my back and later I found out my boyfriend had threatened all of them with a sawed off shotgun and told them all to stay away from me or he was going to kill them.
My friends began dropping off like flies, and boys in my town stopped flirting with me and barely looked at me anymore.  I became extremely depressed.  I had no idea this was abuse or that he was even the cause of it.  I thought I wasn’t attractive anymore.  I had a really hard time dealing with it.
Later after years of this abuse I began to realize he was very insecure.  I couldn’t wear make up or it was cause I was meeting another man.  I had to stay on the phone all night long because if I didn’t I was out with another man. Then I got pregnant …..and he began to start keeping secrets.  He started distancing himself…and then he dumped me.
I was devastated.  I thought this man loved me more than I ever dreamed a man could possibly ever love me.  All I had was him.  He had come between me my mother my Grandparents my friends my cousins, I felt completely alone.
I fell into a dark deep depression that I can only describe as the worst period of my entire life
And it truly was,  I have never been that sad ever again in my life. 
Aside from being pregnant and hormonal,I was hypersensitive too.  I felt as if my life was really over.  I believed he was never coming back and I would never fall in love like that again.  Well, I never did, but he did come back, and it really took years to finally free myself from his spell over me and even then after I had made my final decision to separate for good,  I have never been the same.  I have never really gotten completely over it.  He was the center if my life for 16  years.  It was really over I was not in love with him anymore.
The things this man put me through made me truly ill myself, as well as my children.    The truth is right now as I am writing this the pain is so deep that I can barely allow myself to feel it.  The truth of how unhealthy and the things that actually went on in my relationship would make you nauseous. 
If I had realized when I was 16 years old that his absurd jealousy was a sign of a severely abusive man, who was also seriously mentally ill, it could have all been avoided.  I would not have wasted the best years of my life on a man who was truly incapable of loving anyone.
I am severely disturbed because of this relationship and I want to make my community aware of this extremely important warning sign, although there are many other signs, this was the earliest and most obvious sign that I want you all to realize is not something that should be taken lightly or ignored.
Jealousy can be a good thing at certain times in any relationship, but the severity of this red flag signal should be judged properly and early. 
I don’t want anyone to suffer the way I did over any man.  I wasn’t the only one who suffered, my children my mother my Grandparents my family his family.  Everyone suffered because if his abuse and mental illness.
And I notice the most favorite thing an abuser will do is cause you to be the one everyone looks at as the one who’s abusive or mentally disturbed.  And make no mistake I am disturbed because of it.
My mother is deceased, his mother also deceased, both suicides.
It’s no joke. 
Abuse whether it’s your son husband son in law..

It affects everyone.

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